BREAKING NEWS: Barry Zito Pulled From Starting Rotation

August 2, 2013

Well, Bruce Bochy is finally fed up with Barry Zito, enough that he pulled him out of the rotation (FINALLY). Unfortunately for the Giants, they are now paying their ex-starting pitcher 19 million dollars a year to sit in the bullpen and possibly throw four innings in a week, as he would either be a long relief pitcher or a lefty-specialist. However, this is not the first time that Zito…

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Giants Take Rubbermatch From Phils

August 1, 2013

One day removed from an offensive outburst in Philly, from the Giants’ new-look offense, the two flailing teams succumbed to an inevitable pitcher’s duel thanks to surprisingly-surprising, brilliant performances from Cole Hamels and Matt Cain. Have the two former Aces reverted to their good ol’ habits of pounding hitters back to their respective dugouts? Maybe. Maybe not. Time will tell, specifically the remainder of this so-far disappointing season. This game…

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Giants Take Kieschnick Pill To Snap Losing Streak

July 31, 2013

Giants fans everywhere, break out the champagne! It’s time to celebrate two once-in-a-lifetime occurrences for the Giants organization. First, to end a ten game drought, the SF Giants hit a home run! Second, to end a five game losing streak, the G-men (finally) won a game! Sorry if these amazing feats disappoint you (as the fact that they are considered amazing really should) but for the Giants they’re pretty incredible….

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BREAKING NEWS: Brian Wilson A Dodger

July 30, 2013

Well, it’s final. After about a month of rumors about where ex-Giants closer Brian Wilson may end up, the decision has been made. The Giants were interested in Wilson, as were the Pirates, Bucs, and D-backs, but none of them ended up with the beard. In the end, the beard went to the smurfs. I guess he’ll have to die now—sorry I just meant dye his beard blue now—because black…

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UPDATE: SF Giants And Oakland A’s Have Injuries

July 21, 2013

UPDATE: Both the SF Giants and Oakland A’s have some injuries to deal with today. For the Giants, Jeremy Affeldt has been placed on the 15 day DL with a strained left groin that he strained in the sixth inning of yesterday’s game. All injuries are bad, but ones to this valuable of a player are even worse. Hopefully this injury is minor and Affeldt can come back soon. However,…

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TIM LINCECUM PITCHES A NO-HITTER

July 13, 2013

WOW! Just wow. Tim Lincecum shocks the baseball world with an outstanding, incredible, marvelous, heroic, insane performance on the mound this Saturday night at Petco Park. Timmy’s no-hitter was the the first in the park’s history, making the performance all-the-more memorable. With a stat line of 9 IP 0 H 0 R 4 BB 13 K, and more importantly a whopping 148 pitches, it’s clear that Lincecum pitched a genuinely…

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WHY ARE THE GIANTS SO BAD? (except for Buster)

July 10, 2013

Let’s get one thing out of the way, first. The San Francisco Giants, as presently constructed, will not win the World Series in 2013. (“Doubter! Bandwagoner! Miserablist! Pessimist! Realist!”) Gee, Captain Obvious, where would you come up with something like that? Well, it wouldn’t have to do anything with the fact that I sat through 16 innings of absolute crap at a cold ballpark on Monday night. The truth is,…

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